I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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