Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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