i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
