after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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