Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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