im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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