When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
