Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize