Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize