Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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