"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
