If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
