I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
