If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
