I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
