Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
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Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Still dying that you shit outside
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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