OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
