I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
