There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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