drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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