No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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