I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
