I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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