the day after is always just damage control
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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