ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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