I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize