His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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