oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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