Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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