I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
