he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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