omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
