Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
