My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
