Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
