You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
