just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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