Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
