I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.