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Umm I'm too high to move.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
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