if i can run in heels then i can drive
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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