You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
