Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
