She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
