Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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