I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Your dad touched me again.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
