You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
