Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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