I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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