Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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