Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
