ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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