u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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