He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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