that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
