Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
