oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
