I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
