are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
