just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
