then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
