It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
