Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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