Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
