Ambien. No doubt about it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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